I consider myself 100% Indian and I love everything about my culture – the values, morals, customs, food, language, music – I love it all. As a generality, I feel that Indian people are incredibly hospitable, kind, and friendly. There is, however, one thing that drives me nuts about our culture and I’ll pose this question for my fellow Desi’s to answer and that is– Why do Indians always feel the need to point out the obvious?
I’ll give you an example. Last weekend, we spent the weekend at my in-laws house and I happened to be in the middle of my crimson wave. We women already know what side affects we suffer as a result of our period but for the opposite sex that seemingly never seems to understand, I’ll spell it out: in addition to wearing a diaper for 5 days, we also get emotional (this is the only symptom my husband likes to acknowledge), suffer from cramps & headaches, and get pimples. Unfortunately, I happen to suffer from many of these symptoms, including the ever dreaded pimple.
Now back to being at my in-laws – During our stay, I got pimples on my cheeks. I didn’t do anything to hide them as I didn’t care – I was after all only at my in-laws and who did I have to impress? So on Sunday morning, after waking up and brushing my teeth and washing my face, I went downstairs to have some chai and biscuits. Instead of saying “Good Morning” to me (actually, I don’t think this phrase exists in the Indian language), the first thing that my husband’s grandmother says to me is, “What is that on your face?” Coming closer to examine my face, she again exclaims, “What is that?” I tried telling her in our language that it was a pimple but that answer would not satisfy her.
Now folks, seriously – did she not know what a pimple was? I mean, while she was scrutinizing my face looking at me like I had leprosy or something, I felt like screaming at her, “Do you think I decided to decorate my face like a pepperoni pizza this morning? Duh! It’s a friggen pimple. You had them, your mother had them, and your sisters probably had them. Would you like a magnifying glass so you can get a better look?”
But of course I didn’t say this. Instead, I nodded my head like an obedient Indian wife and accepted the pity she bestowed upon me. I tried seeing it from her perspective: to her, I was suffering from pimple-itis. I tried not to let this incident get to me but then after attending a party at my parent’s house this weekend, I began to notice a trend amongst our kind.
Example number two. This past weekend, my parents hosted a party. A lot of my parent’s close friends were present and I had also invited some of my friends. Now, I would like to say that my friends and I have all stayed at the same weight but let’s be honest, some of us, myself included, have put on weight over the years. For some, the weight gain is more obvious and unless it’s my best friend or husband, I would never point this out because chances are, the person already knows they’ve packed on some extra pounds. Now for one particular Indian Aunty who shall remain nameless, she felt that it was her duty to remind one of my “healthy” friends that she had put on some weight. This aunty actually went up to my girlfriend and after the standard greeting said, “Looks like you’ve been happy! Did you put some weight on?” After being put on the spot like that, my friend sheepishly admitted that she had. Seeing that my friend was embarassed, I felt like slapping that Aunty and saying, "look at you, you fat ghee eating cow! You have no right to talk!" But once again, I stayed silent and gave my girlfiend a look which expressed the fat cow sentiment.
Now after putting these incidents together, along with others which I haven’t recounted here, I have come to the realization that our culture feels the need to point out the obvious. We already know that a person has a pimple, has put on weight (or even lost too much though rare), isn’t married (I’ll save this one for another post), or has gotten tan from sunning. Do my fellow Desi’s feel that we are not aware of our so called flaws?
To add more fuel to the fire, I have noticed that this “sticking your foot in the mouth because you’ve said too much” trait only occurs with the older generation of Indians or those that were raised in India. Not to say that those that have been raised here don’t have our faults but this is one thing that us ABCD’s do not do because the fact that we can silently observe is usually enough. So my question is “Why?” I am genuinely confused as to why our family friends and relatives would do this to us. Is it because they innocently do not understand why we have a pimple, have gained weight, or remain single? Or is it somewhat malicious? I would like to think the former but when something remains so obvious, I can’t help but think it’s somewhat malicious. Or maybe it’s an ancient caveman-like syndrome, “I need you tell me, why are you still single when I have a boy/girl in mind for you or why is there a red dot on your cheek instead of on your forehead?” Maybe you can shed some light because otherwise, this will remain one of life’s little mysteries for me.
