Ms. Type A

So I am leaving for India in a few days and instead of being excited, I'm freaking out for all the wrong reasons. One week before my trip, I decide I no longer want to go. In fact, i even look at the cancelation policy on my ticket to see if I can back out without penalty and duh, of course there is a penalty so that idea went down the drain. I then procrastinate my packing, which shouldn't surprise anyone because I am the goddess (not queen) of procratination. And then finally, I start throwing temper tantrums 3 days before my trip, leaving my husband to worry and wonder if he has married some serious pyscho woman. Which leaves the question - "Why was I acting this way?" Well, being the dumb dumb that I am, i really couldn't figure it out - why I felt such nerves at traveling for 2 weeks. I mean it wasn't like I was going to be away for a month, just two silly weeks! Moreover, it was my own decision to go to India. It wasn't like someone was dragging me there.

So I continued to act strange and do weird things up until the night before I traveled. In fact, that last night, I broke down and started crying and without chastizing me for acting like a lunatic, my husband (and this is why I love him so much) immediately hugged me and said, "I know....I know, you don't want to leave me do you?", which only made me cry harder because it was the truth. Aside from the fact I couldn't admit this to him for fear of looking pathetic, I don't think I really understood that I was experiencing separation anxiety.


I haven't been apart from my husband for this long.....i know, i know...its only 2 weeks but to me, it felt like I was leaving him for a longer period. I was genuinely afraid of how my husband would manage without me. Now I know this sounds incredibly stupid and even arrogant to some degree but I usually do everything in my house so I felt nervous at the thought of leaving my husband alone. Do I sound like a control freak?! The truth is that I am. I like doing all the cleaning and the cooking and I enjoy keeping my house organized. There are occasions when my husband will help out (though rare) or I will bitch at him for his lack of helping out but it is usually my need for order and control that drive me to act like Betty Crocker.

After coming to this realization that I am a control freak, I decided to do something about it. So when I got back from India, I made myself two promises: 1) that I wouldn't get upset at leaving my husband because not only was he fine without me, heck, he probably enjoyed some time away from his Type A wife and 2) I would learn to let go. In learning to let go, I have learned that it's okay to let the dishes pile up every now and then and that I don't have to constantly pick up after my husband - if his socks are sitting in the same spot for days, eventually, he'll realize that they need a washing because he will run out of clean ones! And so far, it seems to be working. True, my house is not as spic and span as it was and there are socks all over my house but it's okay because I am a more relaxed person now! Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been easy, I have to stop myself plenty of times from cleaning, picking up things around the house, or worrying about my hubby but I know in the end, it's making me a healthier (and saner) person. So Betty, sorry but you'll have to find someone else to take my position!